As we go through life we may meet parts of ourselves we have never met before.
One of the hardest for me has been uncontrollable rage. This comes for many of us when we feel so unsafe we are flipped into survival mode and we may not recognise ourselves.
We may be terrified as we meet this out of control part of ourselves. The shame can be hard to manage if you have lost it, smashed something up, screamed at someone, and it’s not your normal. It is hard to accept.
Understanding why we snap is a complex affair and with trauma and PTSD, the brain is firing so quickly you can’t control it at first.
The brain stem is lit up constantly in high threat and information does not reach the upstairs brain. You may have reacted again and you can feel crazy.
You are, however, not crazy. You have been traumatised and it can take time to feel safe, to build new neural pathways to the upstairs brain and master some control over the intense emotions.
Anger is the body guard to pain and it takes lots of self compassion to forgive yourself, for what you could not do.
There is a myth that we will all have full mastery over our emotions but it is not always the case.
We can however take responsibility for hurt caused and work on ourselves.
We may need to manage our panic of f**king up and give the other person time and space to process and decide if we are to be forgiven.
Don’t promise not to do it again but do promise to work on the wounds, so you can be less triggered.
Don’t blame the other person and be careful, that we don’t use trauma as an excuse to continue being angry without seeking support.
There is much work to do, to heal post trauma. Building new neural pathways to find the pause, that allows you to respond instead of react out of survival.
For those on the receiving end, naming the not coping, and saying ‘I know your are not OK’, is helpful. Helping to restore safety and offering compassion to someone not coping can be life changing. It is not easy though, to not respond in anger back.
Its a lot more work than count to ten, as brains operate in millionth of a second.
This book is a great resource for anyone coping with anger and rage. Learning to have healthy out lets is vital.
E-motions need time and space to work through, and movement. It is energy created from adrenaline, cortisol and noradrenaline. It can feel like holding in a hurricane.
Huge blow ups are a signal things are not OK and our system has short circuited. Trauma, burnout, stress all shorten our fuse.
Selfcare and healing work can take time and change does not happen over night.
It is however possible and whilst there maybe triggers with CPTSD they can still be lessened over time.
I hope this helps someone, coping with anger and rage.