Therapy is about Conversations and Relationships

When I was recruited to be the house therapist for a teenage unit for young offenders, the care worker said when I called, “shall I book them all in for an hour with you?” I said “oh no that’s not how I roll at all, how about I bring a…
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Reflections on selfcare struggles.. through an attachment lens

Selfcare isn’t always easy, putting our needs before others. As I get closer to leaving my fur babies for a holiday my anxiety is here. Will they be OK, will they feel abandoned. It would be easier to stay but practicing selfcare means working through guilt and my separation anxiety.…
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Random thoughts for today..

Chase adventures not money Define your own idea of success You don’t have to like everyone You owe nobody an explanation Let people know you’re a kickass Exercise is great when it’s done, until the next day then it hurts. Wild passion and hair can’t always be tamed You are…
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Dear Potential Client

Dear potential clients, You don’t have to wait until your head is straight before coming to therapy, it isn’t necessary. You don’t need to wait until you know what the problem is, you don’t have to wait until you can stop crying, shaking (insert any other word you like in…
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Coping with a relationship breakup – is this normal?

Relationship beaks up are hard and there are many stages to loss and letting go. We often don’t really talk about how hard it can be to cope when the future you thought you had disappeared. Whether you instigated the break up or whether you have no choice in someone…
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How to Improve Your Sleep

I recently wrote an article that appeared in Mo2vate magazine. So many people are experiencing sleep disturbances at the moment, with some work it might be possible to improve your sleep. 1) Switch off the gadgets well before bed and put them downstairs. 2) Low level activity allows your survival…
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No ‘New You for the New Year’ required

It’s only natural as we embark upon a new year to reflect on the previous year we have had and perhaps want to set goals for the year ahead. Some of the most common new year’s resolutions include: losing weight, quitting smoking, drinking less, learning a new skill, travelling more,…
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Anxiety Is not an Emotion. You can recover and learn how to thrive.

Despite much of what I am reading Anxiety not an emotion, it’s a collection of visceral body sensations bought on by emotions which activate the fight, flight or freeze responses. The trigger emotions are usually fear, guilt or shame, that has our bodies responding. While it is great that so many…
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Coping with Christmas – a Blog for Foster Parents

Christmas can be a wonderful time of the year, with colourful decorations, delicious food, welcome visitors and of course the exchanging of presents. But with the bombardment of adverts of the perfect Christmas, it can be easy to forget that for many it isn’t always a magical time of unwrapping…
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Helping children to choose when to share

“Sharing is caring” is often said, but I wonder: do we hold children to standards us adults don’t even manage? Do you like sharing because you are told to? I know I don’t always want to share, particularly if it’s someone I have just met at a Starbucks. It’s the…
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Back to School – Podcast

I recorded this podcast with Emily Hughes from Parent Guide to GCSE to help support parents with the back to school transition. After so long off, it is natural for there to be anxieties. Have a read of this blog post too for extra tips on how to help your…
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Back to school in strange times.

There might be many concerns at this time as Schools reopen after the holidays. They will certainly be different places to inhabit due to Covid19. The uncertainty of what the new normal will be like may increase anxiety for some, and bring excitement about seeing friends again for others. Every…
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Anxiety and Depression – Signs and Symptoms to watch out for

Anxiety and Depression symptoms can be so slow to arrive that they sneak up on you. For others, sudden breakdown and crisis may occur. Here are some tell tale signs that you, or someone you know, may be struggling; 1) Feelings of hopelessness. Depression may bring about thoughts of “what’s…
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Grief

When you see people who have lost a loved one they tell you about their experience and often, they might be wondering is this normal? There is no normal we all experience grief differently. Some common things I hear. “I forgot for a moment, I was laughing and I feel…
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Are You Creating Your Own Stress?

We can’t control everything that happens to us, but you absolutely can reduce your stress significantly, by adopting new strategies.. Here’s what might help 1) Use a diary rather than hold appointments in your head 2) Write things down rather than try to remember things that need doing. 3) Leave…
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Couples Counselling

I love to work with couples. It’s not always easy to fit together, to say whats in your heart, to ask for what you need, without attacking kindly and respectfully. We all assume relationships just happen but sometimes they need work. Arguments can fit into 3 categories; 1) power and…
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My Story My Why

My Story My Why My story – my why. I walked down the path at 16 carrying a bag of clothes and I never went back. It seems a life time ago. ,I worked hard chasing salaries and happiness at all cost. I spiralled after a relationship breakdown, loss of…
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Families

Families Parenting A parent tells me “I have tried everything from begging and pleading to removing all privaledges nothing works”. I ask how do you feel, “pissed off, angry frustrated and tired, she never listens to me”. Then we talk about the feelings she did not name, such as sad,…
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Toxic Shame – Struggling to show up

Toxic Shame – Struggling to show up I’d like to talk about shame, and what it does to a human, I am a human so I will use myself, that way I don’t risk upsetting anyone as I own the copy-write for me. I love the use of story, so I…
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The True Cost of Dyslexia/Dyspraxia

The True Cost of Dyslexia/Dyspraxia Hello, I am Mel and apparently I am dyslexic and dyspraxic, can someone stop the disability bus please, because I want to get off. This post invites you into the head of someone with a neuro-diverse brain. There is so much in my head that…
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Help anger is ruining our relationship!

Help anger is ruining our relationship! I am often asked by partners or individuals do you do Anger Management its affecting my relationship. Yes I am happy to help but its not just anger management here. It’s counselling which means looking at the whole picture and all the feelings  to…
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Help I am sick of the this!

Help I am sick of the this! Parents often ask if I can help with behavioural issues and I would like to share some information with you that may help you to tune in and connect better with your child.  I am often asked “What’s the best way to deal…
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Bullying

Bullying I know from my own experience how damaging being bullied is, it can take a life time to recover from the effects of bullying and we know in extreme cases some have taken their own lives. Those playground names stick hard and can be very difficult to shake off. There…
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Off Work Sick

Off Work Sick As I work with many clients off work with stress, anxiety and depression it got me thinking about how we approach and deal with sick leave. I have had my own periods of sick leave following a car accident, the physical health turned into mental health problems…
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Lost and Found

Lost and Found If you listen real close you will hear my tears If you listen real close you will hear my fears If you listen though I make no sound I am no longer lost, I have been found
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Juicing Mad Fusion Confusion

Juicing Mad Fusion Confusion Following on from my “Failing to Self-Care” blog this last week has been a much different one. I have had Physio and the back is still sore but mywork load has been much lighter. I have managed to get some longer walks in with “River”, been…
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Confession Time

Confession Time I am sitting here with an ice pack on my back, unable to walk or drive very far due to back pain. I am feeling fat having stuffed my face with pizza, prosecco and of course there was a free tub of chocolate ice-cream, so why not? I…
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Proud and Playful

Proud and Playful Sharing a proud moment today as the post arrived; I have been awarded my Senior Accredition for Counsellor/Psychotherapists for Children and Young People. I feel so very proud I wrote the accreditation five times because I was never sure it was good enough and finally sent it…
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Mothers and Mothers Day

Mothers and Mothers Day It’s Mothers Day this weekend and plenty of people will be spending time with their families. I have to admit I find it a difficult time of the year and I’d like to share with you why. Growing strong without a mother I left my mother…
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I am dying inside

I am dying inside Inspired by watching #MyViolentChild TV Show, reduced to tears as I watch a family who can’t reach each other, no matter how hard they try. A child who says “I want to play with my dad”, a child who says “Id love my kid more than…
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Post Natal Depression

Post Natal Depression I would like to thank Hazel for her post on Postnatal depression, its a topic that is often not talked about and lots of clients I work with often report struggling in the early months of motherhood but support is difficult to access. http://inyourcommunity.org.uk/2015/03/12/5-positive-actions-for-mothers-day/.
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So this is me and what I do!

So this is me and what I do! I am sharing some of my story so you can get a sense of me, it may encourage you to work with me or it may put you off, but its me nevertheless, so make it of this what you will.  Here…
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Billy No Mates

Billy No Mates A theme that runs through my therapy room is the lack of human connection and the isolation people often feel. If you work alone like me then you may have to work even harder to forge the connections with others. If you have also got a history…
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Lonely

Lonely When you need someone to notice and care, Can anyone hear you? Is somebody there? What do you do in the cold of the night? Nobody’s there to turn your dark into light. I’m not sure how it became this way, All by myself day after day. I want…
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Anxious about being anxious

Anxious about being anxious Stress and anxiety often go hand in hand and are our body’s way of telling us that something is wrong and our central nervous system responds. Sometimes our internal alarm bells may be being set off for what appears to be no good reason. However, there…
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The story of Time

The story of Time Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings and qualities lived- Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others including Love. One day it was announced that the island would sink, so all the feelings prepared their boats and sailed away, Love was…
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Inspired by Cancer

Inspired by Cancer It appears I blog only when I have a bee in my bonnet about something, today or rather this month it’s Cancer, I want to talk about the inspiring things not the very sad side of Cancer. We all know from painful experience that it kills and…
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Splitting up… What about the children?

Splitting up… What about the children? Its never easy when you decide to separate there can be a lot of emotions and what about the children? Many couples choose to stay together for the sake of the children, but then what do we model to our children about relationships if…
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The wrong type of pill

The wrong type of pill This is a poem for anyone affected by suicide… In the dark of night, in the depths of despair Would anyone notice if I just wasn’t there? Would I be missed does anyone care? Distressed, with too many thoughts in my head I needed help…
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I am not a typical therapist

I am not a typical therapist Ive seen the typical therapists who work in fancy pants clinics, have receptionists and somebody to take their calls. They work in minimalist surroundings with carefully selected artwork, its all very nice, unless they are in the NHS then its all a bit clinical.…
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For anyone stuggling

For anyone stuggling When things are not going well it’s yourself you blame. We don’t seek support usually because of the shame You think I should be able to do it like the others do But guess what, inside they may be struggling too We call ourselves weak and think…
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Busy trying not to be busy!

Are you operating from anxious patterns? As I sat in the Garden earlier with a dog on my lap enjoying the sun there was a battle going on in my head. I could see laundry that needs ironing, the grass that could do with a cut and that’s just from…
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Be More Dog!

Be More Dog! When clearing up this morning I found some photos from a photoshoot that we had a few years back when Max had his sight. There were some tears this morning as I am reminded how much I miss him. Max taught me to be more dog! He…
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Mental Health Poem by Mel

Mental Health Poem by Mel Do not mock me because you don’t understand It would be more helpful to have a helping hand You don’t know what goes on inside my head And sometimes I would prefer to be dead You may not know why I behave this way If…
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Hey Max

Hey Max No long blog today just a poem… A Message to Max… Your fur balls are still blowing across the floor Your lead it still hangs by the front door There are plenty of reminders this was your home In your toy boxes I found a half eaten bone…
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Feeling guilty about feeling good

Feeling guilty about feeling good Well it’s been a good day, the sun has been shining and I have got loads of stuff done. I have taken a big tree down, cut both lawns, had several trips to the tip, hoovered the tree out the car, and done washing and…
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Grief and Relief

Grief and Relief Good evening, I am writing nightly at the moment as I find writing to be therapeutic it enables me to reflect and put the feelings somewhere and make sense of my emotions. You could try it if you feel overwhelmed or just don’t know what do,. I…
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A tough first day without Max

A tough first day without Max Thank you for all your kind comments on the news of Max’s death we have been overwhelmed by the kindness from all who knew Max. It was a hard day today there was much tears as we woke without Max. His coffin arrived this…
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It’s Time

It’s Time It is with a heavy heart that I share today’s news, Max became very unwell in the night and we drove Max to the emergency vets at 5am as he had been unsettled all night long. Not ready to leave him at the vets the locum gave him…
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Preparing to let go

Preparing to let go We have been struggling some time with Max who is now blind, but things have become much worse. Max’s last seizure was different, he howled in pain, usually they are silent. We think this seizure was painful and that it took its toll on his old…
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Do people just make excuses?

Do people just make excuses? Dominic asked do people just make excuses for not reaching their goals? Well they do but I think its more complicated than just making excuses. Dominics question struck a cord with me, and I felt a blog coming on. I am constantly annoyed by the quick…
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Woof…Blind Panic

Woof…Blind Panic Its been a tough few months for me and my family I’ve gone blind I can no longer see My nose and ears work but not my eyes My mum gets sad and she sometimes cries I sometimes get frightened in the middle of the night It can…
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WHY?

WHY? A poem written a very long time ago, one that I never thought would see light of day. Many many years on, there is no longer fear or shame keeping me silent. Some of us don’t get good enough mothers and for those life can be very wobbley.. WHY Why no birthday…
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A clients experience of therapy

A clients experience of therapy (Published with kind permission of Michael) “Where to begin? I suppose with my own preconceptions of anybody whose profession begins with “Psych”. The image of a 60 year old male, straight laced, two foot grey beard, black couch and dowdy, badly lit office is probably…
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Could do better!

Could do better! This week I had a really proud moment as I opened the Brown envelope marked Bham NHS I knew it was from my course. I was wondering would there be a promise of an interview for my Masters or would there be a rejection. It was actually…
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Why You Don’t Need To Change

Why You Don’t Need To Change When clients come to see me its usually because they are normally struggling, maybe a life change such as a divorce, an illness or death has appeared in their lives. They may just feel they are overwhelmed with emotion or perhaps they have lost…
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Lets get the ball rolling..

Lets get the ball rolling.. Crazy ideas for Autumn. Autumn is on its way and thoughts of winter nights fill some with dread, it used to me but I have learned to cope with them better now. Chilly morning walks with the dogs amongst the ever-changing tree colours all make…
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You’re Never Too Old: David’s Story

You’re Never Too Old: David’s Story David came to see me over a year ago, he had been suffering from depression off and on for a number of years and was struggling to enjoy his sales role or get any fulfilment from it. The only reason for getting up and going…
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Brilliant Breakfasts

Brilliant Breakfasts Its now summer did your diet fail,  losing weight is such a massive industry and you can’t escape it its everywhere TV, Radio on twitter, news papers, magazines its pretty hard to avoid the topic. My advice is take no notice what so ever, stop yo yo dieting and find…
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A Love Letter

A Love Letter I read a love letter some time ago written by Rebekah Harriman and it inspired me to write my own… I would like to thank all my clients, who have shared their lives & stories, and all those people who are in my life professionally and personally…
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The Cuts that Hurt

The Cuts that Hurt We are living in difficult times and many have lost their jobs and the Government Cuts in budget have finally reached me yesterday. I went to my school of several years to be told that my contract won’t be renewed this year, its was a shock,…
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A Special Moment

A Special Moment It’s a special day today, not my birthday but more special because today we have achieved something I wasn’t sure was possible. I felt I wanted to capture the moment and share it ,if I may. Nearly a year ago a client arrived at my house referred to…
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Putting on the Brakes: The Balancing Trick!

Putting on the Brakes: The Balancing Trick! I see lots of clients in my therapy room, many seeking a way to be happy. Some are desperately trying out different things, moving from one thing to another, in order to achieve their goal, but with nothing working. These clients can often…
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My First Blog

My First Blog Hello I have not written a blog up until now, possibly because I didn’t know what to write about and never felt the need., I have seen others doing them, some I have read some I haven’t. I went on the radio this morning  it was not planned a…
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