A parent tells me “I have tried everything from begging and pleading to removing all privaledges nothing works”. I ask how do you feel, “pissed off, angry frustrated and tired, she never listens to me”.
Then we talk about the feelings she did not name, such as sad, and helpless. “What would you say if I told you that all this might be going on for your child too”. Slowly I help parents stop focusing on behaviours and to tune in more to their child. To stop sounding like a broken record and take care of themselves.
Parenting relationally takes longer, but it can be a total life changer. Learning to understand and trust each other, to work on reliability and accountability issues, is all part of the work we do together. Sure you can bully to get compliance from a kid and take stuff off them, but whats the real cost? If you wouldn’t do it to an adult it has no place in your parenting with a child. If you want behaviour change in your child, you have to change yourself first.
Kids learn from you and sometimes, help is required to tune in and do things differently.
We live in a world thats focused on behaviour management when it should be emotions/feeling management.
I’m trying to change that.. one family at a time, if you need support with relationships get in touch, for a free confidential chat. I offer compassion and understanding, workable techniques that will help you become a better listner, improve communication,reduce conflict, decrease loneliness and improve your connction with your family members.